I used to deliver medical equipment to people at home. I was a Priest at the time and was delivering a hospital bed and Liquid Oxygen to an older lady. She was Greek or Eastern Orthodox. The orders said she was not long for this world and I was very aware that she seemed uncomfortable or mildly disturbed by something or someone.
Every time I went out to the truck I could sense this urging. It was so strong that it seemed like a voice just behind me. It would say the same thing over and over each time I went to the truck. "Maybe you should pray with her." It was early in my calling and I was still a little unsure about what God had expected of me. I finished setting up the equipment, ran the family through the demonstrations, and had them sign the paperwork. As I left the room I passed the older woman and smiled. She settled, looked up at me, and with expectant eyes smiled back. I put my hand on her arm and said goodbye praying for her as I left.
2 Days later I got a call to go back out to the house and pick up the equipment as the woman had died. As I packed up the equipment the family stood in the room talking amongst themselves about how she missed dying on her birthday by one day and how upset she was that her birthday had passed. Their apparently is some special significance in the orthodox church about leaving the world the same day you came into it. They remarked at how hard they had tried to reassure her but she remained unsettled. Needless to say I felt this huge lump in my throat and ache in my heart. I started to tear up a little and then tried to shake it off and got about to finishing my job there.
As I was leaving I walked with the daughter out to the door and looked at my truck. A tear came to my eye and started to roll down my cheek. The daughter noticed and asked me if I was okay. I related the experience I had as I was delivering the equipment. The "voice" that seemed so clear, the prompting to pray, the connection with her mother as I was leaving and my prayer for her as I left. How I was afraid I might impose on her and them and that I wasn't sure it was appropriate. She said, "Oh I wish you had prayed with her that would have meant so much to her. It would have absolutely fine with us."
Inside I was shattered. I thought my little gesture of prayer for her as I was leaving was enough. It wasn't. I wasn't supposed to pray FOR her. I was supposed to pray WITH her and I had failed.
I learned so much from that experience. I learned to expect the prompting of the spirit and then to listen intently when I do. To walk boldly in the spirit and fulfill the prompting. And to never think that almost done is good enough. When God tells you he wants you to do something he never finishes it with "or something like that".
I will never forget her eyes.
I will never forget the "voice".
I will never forget the lesson.
These are, after all, the musings of a mind that wanders.
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1 comment:
I remember when you originall posted this testimony at the Community of Christ Discussion Forum. It is as powerful now as it was then. May we all have the courage to listen to God when he is speaking to us.
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