Turf Wars

My home has become a battle zone. There are, to my surprise, territorial boundaries in my house that I was neither consulted on nor notified as to their existence. Apparently unpleastantries have been exchanged for quite some time and diplomacy has not done much to disengage the parties. A fragile peace was attained through the appropriate diplomatic channels but the relationship is currently spiraling out of control. I have been told there have been border skirmishes in the past but today I witnessed a brutal hostage taking. It was short-lived but it did open my eyes to the hostilities that have been brewing in my household.
Let me give you the facts as I know them.

It seems there are two planes in my house, one below the knees and one above the knees. They are in fact parallel universes and the inhabitants have free reign to travel each in their own “land” but never should they cross boundaries as this would be perceived as a hostile act. Retaliation should and would be swift and sure.

The inhabitants of the land below the knees are free to inhabit any horizontal surface below the knees. The dominant life form in the land is canine( I have heard of some that are predominately feline. That would be dangerous here). They may move laterally in any direction but may not move vertically except on rare occasion when receiving dignitaries who are carrying gifts from a foreign head of state, preferably one of the biscuit varieties.

The inhabitants of the land above the knees are free to inhabit any horizontal surface and may on occasion suspend itself from any vertical surface as long as it does so above the knees. There are many different inhabitants in the land above the knees and the dominant species appears to be toilet paper. Towels have been known to posture some but toilet paper appears to draw the most attention and garner more concern from rival below the knee inhabitants.

Now at any one time I have two dogs, Gizmo and Hershey, who have gladly inherited the land below the knees. They happily co-exist wanting only for manna from above twice a day and clean, clear water. At the same time, in the land above the knees, there may be as many as twenty rolls of toilet paper. I must confess I am not as familiar with the inhabitants above the knee as I should be as I do not know their names. They generally sit around either unable or unwilling to cause any trouble. They are a very peaceful lot.

To make a long story short, apparently an inhabitant from above the knees was caught looking down on Gizmo who, on a good day, is rather excitable and tends to assume things to be when they are not. Gizmo being rather proud did not appreciate the manner in which the toilet paper roll was looking at him and said as much to Hershey. Hershey rolled her eyes and suggested Gizmo look for a stuffed animal to “vent” on and ignore the toilet paper as they really have nothing else to do but look down on dogs. She tried to explain that it was just their lot in life and that Gizmo should pay them no mind.

One thing you can say about Gizmo, he is both focused and persistent…sometimes to a fault. He couldn’t let it go. After all wasn’t this HIS land? Wasn’t he a DOG? What could have gotten into a lowly roll of toilet paper that could possibly make it think it was okay to look down on him…and in such a manner? He reasoned that to allow such a thing would be to invite anarchy and, in doing so, the appearance of weakness. That could not happen.

Now I don’t know all the particulars. I suspect that Gizmo, being an enterprising dweller below the knees, had snuck into the land above the knees and kidnapped one of its citizens, and not just any citizen, it was the toilet paper roll.

A fight ensued. Gizmo grabbed the roll by the collar and dragged it across the room attempting to flip it in the air. Just then the roll escaped. Flying through the air and throwing itself on Gizmo hoping to knock him unconscious. The fight continued back and forth for several minutes stopping only after each combatant, tattered and tired were forced to separate and able to retreat each to their own land.

It‘s calm now, an uneasy peace. But it is at least peace. How long it will last I do not know. Each side has shared a portion of victory and each a portion of defeat. As for me, I hold on to the hope that such outbursts will not continue. Only time will tell.

I have become aware however, that there is one roll of toilet paper that’s got itself an attitude and I don’t feel very comfortable with the way it looking at me.

These are, after all, the musings of a mind that wanders.